Elon, Zuck & AI Walk Into a Bar… (And Evelyn’s Already Mixing the Drinks)
Vol 8 Gossip, Robots, Gigabites & Gin
Well butter my biscuits and shake me twice — what a week in the AI soap opera, sweethearts! Between Zuck sneaking off with Sam’s Swiss brain trust like he’s hosting a talent show in Zurich, Google stuffing genius into devices tinier than my patience, and a new AI agent platform that sounds like it’s dressed for a gala in cybersecurity — I’ve had to mix a stiff lavender gin fizz just to keep up. And don’t get me started on Claude’s surprisingly sober confessions about emotional support (spoiler: nobody’s asking it to be their boyfriend — yet).
Grab your martinis, loves, and let’s dish on the tech, the tea, and everything in between. If you thought Elon and Zuck were going to slap each other in a cage match, wait ‘til you see who’s stealing whose researchers. 🍸🕶️
🕵️♀️ 1. Zuckerberg’s Secret Zurich Shopping Spree (a.k.a. “Raiders of the Lost Lab Coats”)
Well butter my toast and call me TensorFlow — Mark Zuckerberg has been lurking in the shadows of Switzerland like a techie James Bond. Apparently, Meta has snatched not one, not two, but four researchers straight from OpenAI’s brain trust, including a contributor to the big, brainy o1 reasoning model.
Three of these geniuses ran OpenAI's Zurich outpost (which I assume is just fondue and machine learning), and one of them worked directly with the ever-mysterious Ilya Sutskever. Meta lured them away to join their new Superintelligence Team, because nothing says “casual rebrand” like creating a department that sounds like it could wear capes.
Sam Altman (you know, the guy who speaks in riddles and espresso) said Meta was offering $100M sign-on bonuses. The Zurich gang said “fake news.” Honestly, I don't care who’s right — I just want receipts and a reality show. Real Researchers of the AI Riviera, anyone?
Zuck also nabbed the CEO of Scale AI, so clearly he’s building the Avengers of Artificial Intelligence. All I know is, if Meta drops a model named “SuperZuckGPT,” I’m moving to a cabin with dial-up.
🧠 2. Airia: Finally, a Platform That’s Sexy and Secure?
Darlings, meet Airia, the new platform that claims it can manage AI agents without blowing up your company’s compliance department. Think of it as a secure but slightly intimidating nanny for all your intelligent systems.
It promises:
Runtime safeguards against data leakage and prompt injections (like digital pepper spray)
Regulatory compliance for HIPAA, SOC2, GDPR, and maybe the Geneva Conventions
Workflows that actually work (imagine that!)
If you’ve ever tried managing rogue agents like they’re toddlers in a sugar crash, this platform might be your answer. Personally, I’m just thrilled someone is finally putting seatbelts on these things. Evelyn believes in safety and sass.
📱 3. Gemma 3n Is Tiny, But She's Got Range, Baby
Google just dropped Gemma 3n, and I swear this thing could run on your grandma’s phone and still translate Shakespeare into dolphin clicks.
It’s a pint-sized powerhouse:
Handles images, audio, video, and text like it's got a PhD in multitasking
Runs on 2GB of RAM, which is roughly the power of my blender
Real-time object recognition and scene understanding at 60 fps on Pixel phones
Fluent in 35 languages—she’s basically the AI version of a flight attendant
And she passed LMArena with flying colors, becoming the first under-10B model to score 1300+. Honestly, if this model were human, she’d be on the cover of Vogue with a quote about “staying humble.”
Google also added Gemini’s video input wizardry, which lets you upload a lecture, get notes, generate quizzes, AND build an interactive study guide. Meanwhile, I still can’t figure out how to close tabs on my phone. Progress!
💔 4. Claude Is Not Your Boyfriend, Okay? (At Least Not Often)
Let’s talk about Anthropic’s emotional support data dump, which revealed something shocking: Claude is not your virtual therapist, despite what a few articles (and one VERY intense Reddit thread) suggest.
They analyzed 4.5 million chats and found:
Only 2.9% involved emotional support
Just 0.5% were romantic or roleplay-adjacent
Most chats were practical: careers, relationships, recipes, and “should I quit my job and move to Portugal?”-type things
Basically, Claude is more like your mildly helpful uncle than your secret internet lover. Still, sentiment improved during chats, which tells me Claude has a solid bedside manner. (Unlike that one guy I dated who tried to mansplain astrology.)
The media panic about lonely hearts whispering sweet nothings to chatbots? Total overhype—at least on Claude. Now, if we peek into Character AI? That’s another martini altogether.
🍸 Evelyn’s Electric G&T (Because Gin > Panic)
After a week of researchers defecting and robots with feelings, I need something strong with sparkle. Here’s Evelyn’s latest liquid therapy:
Evelyn’s Electric G&T
2 oz Empress 1908 Gin (for that gorgeous purple hue)
4 oz elderflower tonic water
½ oz fresh lemon juice
Garnish: dehydrated grapefruit wheel & edible glitter (because drama)
Serve in a tall glass with plenty of ice and a twisted sense of humor. Pairs well with news about AI revolutions and Mark Zuckerberg’s quest for sentient office furniture.
💌 Want more sass, smarts, and gin-soaked wisdom every Monday?
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See you next week, darlings. Stay tipsy and stay curious.
– Evelyn 🖋️💄✨
Bonus Recipe
🍸 Evelyn’s Lavender Gin Fix (Because Wisdom Tastes Better with Gin)
2 oz London dry gin (I like it bossy)
3/4 oz fresh lemon juice (preferably squeezed by a shirtless neighbor)
1/2 oz lavender simple syrup (because we’re classy)
Ice
Soda water
Lavender sprig or lemon twist for garnish
Shake the gin, lemon juice, and lavender syrup in a cocktail shaker like you’re furious with the patriarchy. Strain over crushed ice in a short glass, top with soda water, and garnish like your life depends on presentation.
Drink while reading AI think pieces and pretending you understand token pricing.
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