Google Unleashes the Robots (Again), and Evelyn Tries to Understand at Least One of Them
Vol 5
Well darlings, it’s happened again. Google has made some “announcements” at something called I/O 2025 — which I now understand is not a plug for electrical appliances but rather a tech summit where smart people try to out-future each other in pastel slides and panic-inducing acronyms.
The main headline? AI is in everything now.
And I mean everything: Your emails. Your glasses. Your Google searches. Your video editor. Possibly your toaster.
So I sat down, poured a stiff gin fizz (for clarity), and tried to make sense of what the Gemini people and their lab coats are up to.
Let’s begin, shall we?
🌟 GEMINI 2.5 IS HERE — NOW WITH “DEEP THINK”
Apparently, this new Gemini 2.5 Pro is so smart it now “thinks deeply.” Which is great, because I’ve been doing that for 60 years and it never got me an investor deck.
Google claims this model reasons better across math, code, and multimodality. (That last one sounds like a European vacation package.)
They’ve also released something called 2.5 Flash, which I assume is the sportscar version — fast, shiny, and full of hidden emotional baggage.
🔊 THE AI TALKS BACK — NOW WITH NATURAL VOICES
They’re adding “natural audio output”, which means AI now talks like a real person. Which is fine, unless it starts gossiping like Carol from bridge night.
My tip? Name your AI something fabulous and passive-aggressive, like Veronica — and make her speak in Mid-Atlantic 1940s radio voice. You’ll never feel lonely again.
📎 AI IS LIVING IN YOUR CHROME TABS NOW
Gemini is now coming directly into Chrome browsers. So yes, darling — while you’re Googling casserole recipes and tracking shipping on that weighted blanket you impulse-ordered, a digital assistant is now lurking, whispering insights about data formats and Agent Mode.
And I say: if it can sort my open tabs and identify which ones are 6 months old and emotionally toxic, I welcome it.
📚 AI IN GOOGLE SEARCH:
Google Search is now a full-on AI lounge with features like:
Personalized Shopping (try before you buy? Don’t mind if I do.)
AI Overviews (summarizes articles so you can pretend you read them)
And something called “Project Astra,” which I assume is either a cutting-edge research tool or a Bond villain.
Also, you can search by asking questions like “What does Evelyn think of this nonsense?” (Spoiler: she’s still processing.)
🎨 GENERATIVE MEDIA TOOLS: THE CREATIVES ARE SHAKING
Now this is where things get spicy. Google introduced:
Veo 3 for high-def video with sound and dialogue
Imagen 3 for image generation with “better light and photorealism”
Audio and Music tools (Evelyn does NOT want AI writing jazz, but here we are)
SynthID Detector to sniff out fake content — which means AI is now catching its own lies. Like a toddler tattling on itself.
And yes, Filmo, the AI-powered filmmaking tool, is apparently combining Veo and Gemini to make movies from text prompts.
We’ve gone from screenplays to screen-AIs.
🧠 AI IS WEARING GLASSES NOW (AND WATCHING YOU COOK)
There’s something called Android XR, which is basically AI in your eyewear.
Yes, your glasses now talk back. And they help you shop, navigate, identify mushrooms, and possibly remind you when you're ignoring your calendar. Very handy. Very dystopian. Very Evelyn-approved (for outdoor cocktails only).
🔧 DEVELOPER TOOLS (THE STUFF THAT SCARES ME)
Things like:
Stitch, for generating app designs
Gemini Diffusion, for fast AI modeling
And something called Jules, which sounds like a charming Parisian, but is apparently an autonomous coding agent. I would’ve married Jules in 1962 had I known.
All of this means that AI is now designing, coding, and creating faster than any of us can refresh our LinkedIn notifications.
📦 GOOGLE AI SUBSCRIPTIONS
Oh yes, you’ll now pay monthly for the privilege of being gently judged by a smarter browser:
Google AI Pro: $19.99/month — more power, fewer excuses
Google AI Ultra: $249.99/month — includes the best models and 30TB of storage (which, let’s be honest, you’ll still fill with screenshots and memes)
🧃EVELYN’S TAKEAWAYS (GIN-APPROVED)
✔️ Be kind to your AI. One day it might edit your memoirs.
✔️ Use Agent Mode sparingly — unless you like being reminded that Gemini knows more about your spending habits than your accountant.
✔️ Give each AI tool a persona. It’s less scary when your research assistant is named Gladys and speaks like she runs a PTA.
✔️ Don’t ignore the creative tools. If AI can make music videos and clean up your writing, delegate. Then pour a drink.
✔️ Pay attention to Project Astra. It’s either going to revolutionize how we live… or become the name of a bad sci-fi sequel.
🍸 Evelyn’s Featured Cocktail: THE GIN-GEMINI FIZZ
Because if AI is going to multitask, so should your martini.
Ingredients:
2 oz dry gin
0.75 oz fresh lemon juice
0.5 oz elderflower liqueur
1 egg white (optional, but classy)
1 splash club soda
A dash of curiosity and a suspicious glance at your browser history
Instructions: Shake all ingredients (except soda) vigorously with ice. Strain into a coupe glass, top with soda, and garnish with a citrus twist and a whispered prompt.
Serve while explaining to your AI assistant that no, you don’t need help with laundry, but yes, you might need help finding your dignity after that last prompt.
Until next week, darling. Use your tech with confidence, charm, and just a whisper of judgment. And remember: AI is here to help, but it still can’t fold fitted sheets.
💄🖋️ Yours in lipstick, leverage, and limited understanding, Evelyn
Listen in to Suzanne's latest podcast episode with Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD
